


Cutting Words

by SandrC



Series: Not Another Fanfiction Collection [20]
Category: Not Another D&D Podcast (Podcast)
Genre: Erlin and Egwene are good siblings, Hydrate coz its sad, They say hurtful things, Wartime is difficult, but they are siblings, but they love each other - Freeform, they fight, they still are orphans tho
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-14
Updated: 2020-01-14
Packaged: 2021-02-22 14:13:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 813
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22250758
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SandrC/pseuds/SandrC
Summary: Things are said in the aftermath of battle.He didn't mean to but intent is only half of the pain.(After all, they only have each other now.)
Relationships: Egwene Kindleaf & Erlin Kindleaf
Series: Not Another Fanfiction Collection [20]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1312925
Comments: 6
Kudos: 13





	Cutting Words

**Author's Note:**

> Had this thought during episode 86. Messaged Katie like "hey, I thought of something sad" and she took the bait and was also sad. Then I asked if I should focus on this or the latest story in Payable On Death about Hardwon and Jaina and Gemma and she said this lmao.
> 
> So hey, Katie? This is your fault and you know it.
> 
> Timeline-wise, this is somewhere between the end of Galaderon and when the Boobs wind up at Hill Holm. As canonically Erlin and the crew have been doing things and fighting battles, there had to have been some shit going on. Also, if I'm being honest, there's no way he's (at least) level 10 without some kind of stress testing combat-wise.
> 
> Anyway, Erlin and Egwene don't have parents and this is your reminder of this. I love Egwene and Erlin and ohhhhh boy I love them so much.
> 
> They're going to be okay. I will it so.

"Erlin," he turns to find Egwene inches from him, finger pointed at his nose, " _what_ the fuck was _that_?!"

"What was _what_?"

"Out _there_! Why the _fuck_ were you that far forward?" Oh. _Yeah_. He'd been up front with Gunther and Red, helping mitigate damage and smacking orcs that came by with his mace. Why was she mad at him about _that_?

"Because it _worked_?"

Egwene's face contorts into a frustrated snarl, " _Why_ though?! I've told you _once_ , I've told you a _hundred_ times that you _need_ to stay _back_!"

"I'm not _useless_! I _can_ fight!" A pain, similar to rejection starts to blossom in his chest, near his heart. Why is she _being_ like this? Why is she being _so rude_? They _survived_ and it wasn't even the most difficult battle they'd been in!

"You shouldn't _have_ to! Your job is to heal, to _support_ —!"

"So I'm just supposed to _sit_ in the back and _wait_ for someone to get hurt and then make sure they're fine? Patch them up and send them back up?" Does she think so _little_ of him? Does she think he's _only_ capable of supporting someone from the back? Does she think he's only a background character?! "Is _that_ it?!"

" _No_! You're _also_ not supposed to be in the direct line of fire! If you _fall_ , if you're _hurt_ , **_everything_** gets fucked! And I don't understand _why_ this is a difficult concept for you to understand? Just _do what you're **told**_!"

" _I_ don't understand why you're so bent out of shape?! I did _fine_! _What's the big deal?_ "

"The _big deal_ is that you could have gotten _hurt_! I— _we_ can't handle things if you get hurt! You need to be _more cognizant_ of your place in combat! You need to be more _careful_!"

Something inside of him bubbles and snaps. Something inside of him boils over. He opens his mouth and vitriol pours out.

" _You're **not** my mom!_"

The words strike Egwene almost physically and she shakes, fists clenched, as she draws back and upward. _Gone_ is his sister. She has withdrawn within herself. Now all that is left of her is the warrior, the strategist, the ranger. Broad shoulders, rigid back, and closed-off eyes.

" _No_ ," her voice is low and quiet and careful. Each word shot with the precision of her arrows in combat. "I'm _not_ your mom. I'm your _commanding officer_ right now and that means when _I say_ not to get _your ass_ on the front lines, you fucking _do what you're told_."

He wants to apologize but she won't stop talking, so he doesn't have the space to. Also, he's certain if he tried, it would feel fake and reactionary, so he holds his tongue as she continues, her voice rising as she goes.

"You are a _cleric_. You are a _healer_. You _cannot_ be anywhere farther past the second line of combat because if something happens to you, _we_ are up _shit_ **_fucking_** _creek_. If _you_ are hurt, we have _no one_ to heal _you_. If _you_ are hurt, _**everyone** else will **die**_." For the first time in a while, Erlin is realizing that he is seeing the Lady Snake, not his sister. _This_ is what the Green Knights made her into. _This_ is what he was planning to do with his life. _This_ is what war makes out of people like them. "So _sit_ your ass in _the back two lines_ , heal _whomever_ is fucking injured, buff _if you can afford it_ , and _don't_ get fucking hit or _we will **all** die_. Do you _understand_ , Kindleaf?!"

He nods, once. She nods back and turns on her heel, helm pulled down over her face. Over her shoulder, she calls out to him one last time.

"Now go the fuck to bed, Erlin." He watches her walk to the prow of the Stormborn, fists clenched, and wonders just how broken they really are. Wonders if it's _just_ him and Egwene or if _Beverly_ is broken like this too.

When he lays down that night, tears threatening to pool over with every breath he takes, he thinks about what he said to her. Why it _hurt_. Why it _matters_.

Coz she's _not_ his mom. His mom— _their_ mom—is dead. But that _doesn't_ excuse what he said. It doesn't excuse what he _did_. And it doesn't mean she doesn't _love_ him.

He has to make it up to her somehow. Maybe he can start with listening to her directions in combat. After that?

Who knows.

If there _is_ a tomorrow, he'll worry about it then. For now, he can only run that moment in his head again and again and worry the pain in his chest until it's a smooth weight in his gut. For now, he can only wait.

She's _not_ his mom, but she loves him.

He needs to remember that.


End file.
